“I want to swim away but don’t know how
Sometimes it feels just like I’m falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion”
– Blue October
That’s what it feels like to me.
Like if I’m drowning, holding my breath, with my eyes wide open looking at the surface above me.
My lungs feel as if they’re about the burst from holding my breath for so long.
My arms and legs are weak from trying.
Trying to break the surface into the light of fresh air.
But I never can mange it.
I never manage to break the surface.
I just stay right beneath it, being teased by what I could have if I just fight a little harder.
That’s what I think about a lot.
I could fight harder.
I always think that my best is not my best or there’s something stopping me from giving it my all.
That maybe, on some level, I like feeling this way. Continue reading